no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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