Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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