Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
