didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am available for nakedness
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
