Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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