Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
