Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
