So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dear god my vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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