my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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