if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
