dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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