You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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