don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
