Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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