I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
