Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
