her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
do nipples grow back?
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