he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Less talking, more tequila
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
