It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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