So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
