The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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