I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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