my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
