i was born a porn star she said
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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