i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
