saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
