I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
