I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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