It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
