apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
