I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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