At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
