u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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