I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
