So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize