Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
