You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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