I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
