just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize