come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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