what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
