You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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