quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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