bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Two words: nipple clamps
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