she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
