omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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