The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
