My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
