I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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