I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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