I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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