I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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