so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
