I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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