Kiss
Puke
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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