We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
tell me about the eggs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
