Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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