My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
