Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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