Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
