Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
