Whod you bang
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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