I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
