Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my phone needs a breathalizer

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  (413): my phone needs a breathalizer http://tfl.nu/d0rn
  Replies (15) Good night (2304) Bad night (605)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina

  (804): View more from Virginia

  not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote

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  (401): she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina (804): not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote http://tfl.nu/mq8t
  Replies (33) Good night (1037) Bad night (4127)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.

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  (702): think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010. http://tfl.nu/zikd
  Replies (17) Good night (667) Bad night (3315)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  where are you?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  sonic

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.

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  (404): where are you? (1-404): sonic (404): Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs. http://tfl.nu/pjgu
  Replies (25) Good night (5194) Bad night (652)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.

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  (443): There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you. http://tfl.nu/nqul
  Replies (15) Good night (3481) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

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  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1397) Bad night (5375)
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  (925): View more from California

  Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Come on man nobody wants to admit that

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  (925): Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night? (1-925): Come on man nobody wants to admit that http://tfl.nu/8oz0
  Replies (7) Good night (3012) Bad night (750)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck

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  (512): scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck http://tfl.nu/04pl
  Replies (6) Good night (2449) Bad night (498)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other

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  (703): Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other http://tfl.nu/yr17
  Replies (1) Good night (1340) Bad night (456)
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  (760): View more from California

  I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.

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  (760): I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/aeiu
  Replies (3) Good night (1290) Bad night (587)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.

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  (586): Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband. http://tfl.nu/u4p0
  Replies (3) Good night (3215) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!

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  (916): Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker! http://tfl.nu/ia91
  Replies (0) Good night (708) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!

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  (973): Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone! http://tfl.nu/i9ym
  Replies (5) Good night (1330) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub

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  (905): I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub http://tfl.nu/k11n
  Replies (4) Good night (387) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.

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  (301): Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply. http://tfl.nu/tohw
  Replies (0) Good night (642) Bad night (245)

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