I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
