you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
babies were throwing up all over the place
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch