He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?