I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.