why didn't you poke me back
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...