it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.