Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning

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  (949): The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning http://tfl.nu/sax1
  Replies (35) Good night (775) Bad night (5106)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?

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  (815): should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here? http://tfl.nu/0w0h
  Replies (23) Good night (5268) Bad night (2344)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

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  (706): Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't. http://tfl.nu/ol3k
  Replies (11) Good night (7525) Bad night (1510)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

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  (304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8
  Replies (16) Good night (4959) Bad night (994)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.

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  (774): After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs. http://tfl.nu/szq4
  Replies (17) Good night (802) Bad night (3096)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.

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  (407): 50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin. http://tfl.nu/4pfl
  Replies (10) Good night (2171) Bad night (1006)
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  (909): View more from California

  No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.

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  (909): No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets. http://tfl.nu/zkqt
  Replies (6) Good night (2166) Bad night (727)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment

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  (781): Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment http://tfl.nu/se99
  Replies (4) Good night (1813) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!

  (818): View more from California

  Were you keeping a list?

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  (339): Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues! (818): Were you keeping a list? http://tfl.nu/r5wn
  Replies (2) Good night (1089) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.

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  (808): Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned. http://tfl.nu/vl4n
  Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.

  (561): View more from Florida

  Your mother would be so proud

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  (843): I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom. (561): Your mother would be so proud http://tfl.nu/t9pg
  Replies (6) Good night (958) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous

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  (248): Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous http://tfl.nu/u4ke
  Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.

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  (218): Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda. http://tfl.nu/b4lx
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.

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  (518): I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes. http://tfl.nu/zi9m
  Replies (1) Good night (384) Bad night (204)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.

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  (608): First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong. http://tfl.nu/vr09
  Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (133)

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