I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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