thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
