Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize