we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
