Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
