Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
