All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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