I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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