Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
