So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
