Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
