May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
