its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
