I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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