I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
