I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
