just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
