I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
