Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize