his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
True strength comes from lack of pants
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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